Unapologetic Friendship

Today, I want to talk about what it is like to meet someone else with an autoimmune disease—or to meet someone who is sick and doesn’t know what they have.

I can liken this feeling to meeting another dog owner. You suddenly want to play together, talk about the food your dog eats, show off what you can do with your dog, and share experiences.

Instead of the dog doing the actions, you want it to be you.

If you meet someone else with an autoimmune disease, the first ten minutes (at least) of your chance encounter may include a story about how you learned that you had something invisible within you. It may include all of the things you have done anyway to overcome your disease. It may include what you are doing right now to stay healthy. It will become a very friendly interview that centers around this disease that only so many people share.

In any case, you will talk about yourself and, vicariously, be involved in the other person’s life.

This is great! It’s what humans do. You make a friend, and you will know something else about the thing that haunts you (potentially...if it is the same disease).

However, there is this other, much more annoying side of you. For me, it comes in the way of pushing my disease onto others.

I have a friend who has a chronic stomach ache = You much have Crohn’s or Siliac. Let’s go check it out.

My friend has been pale and not feeling well for a long time = I ask a long list of questions that will ultimately lead me to saying: “Ah, you might have Crohn’s Disease.”

But, Crohn’s is different for everyone. My sick friends may not even have Crohn’s. Honestly, it is usually a long-lasting cold. This link is a good tip for being friends with people with Crohn’s Disease. It is also good for me because it reminds me that there is a lot more to the disease than I remember:  https://www.theodysseyonline.com/friend-crohns-disease

In the end, I have turned myself into a mini, not-so-well-educated, doctor. Whether that is because I don’t want to feel alone or whether it is because I waited too long to get diagnosed, I don’t fully know. However, it leads to lots of fun conversations that I wouldn’t trade away. Even if my friends aren’t chronically sick, I can be there to say that it is going to be okay. I can also be the one to encourage them to go to the hospital because I am living proof that medication can make you feel better...and, you know, alive.

I may not always meet others who have Crohn’s, but I am so thankful for those chance encounters when I do and when we are both strong enough to admit that we are pushing through our invisible disease. I am un-apologetically ill, and I love the people I meet because of it.