Invisible Pain

I have had Crohn’s Disease since seventh grade. I’m now a junior in college; so, eight years of my life have been haunted by an invisible disease. A short video describing the process of diagnosing Crohn’s can be found here. I have been on two different types of medications and have had approximately three medical emergencies related to Crohn’s disease. I have received an IV over fifty times in my life.

Now, I am not saying all of this to make you pity me. Some people have had over thousands of IV’s at my age. Some people have had more medical emergencies and surgeries than they can count. Yet, we all live with something that barely shows its face to those who live in the societies around us—good ol’ Crohn’s Disease.

Crohn’s happens when this tiny protein called TNF-Alpha (pictured above with certain treatment options) decides that your body is more of an enemy than a friend, so it sets off signals telling your body to attack itself. In general, it pits your body against your intestines and esophagus. Because of this, one can contract ulcers, digestion issues, constipation, diarrhea, allergies, and, if not treated properly, death.

Most of the time, Crohn’s is associated with the constipation and diarrhea. However, this is not always the largest issue. We aren’t constantly feeling like the poop emoji because of just our...well, you know.

Crohn’s causes what I like to call “invisible pain”. It attacks your stomach, it hurts your joints, it malnourishes you, and it just plain wears you out. The only way to treat it is through medications that completely delete your immune system. This emphasizes the pain, as every tiny cold feels like the flu, and every flu may feel like nothing at all until it is too late to fix it. However, it isn’t the end of the world. Our “invisible pain” becomes our everyday normal. We know we hurt, but we also know that we have to keep moving.

The biggest issue we face is that we can’t always have a physical, visual representation of why we feel the way we do. We have to move through life praying that no one thinks we are moody or rude if we have to suddenly leave an area or can’t emote enough to express our joy. Of course, we can speak up for ourselves and say, “Yo, I have to leave—my immune system decided to literally crap out on me, and my stomach feels like a ball of cement with knives,”...but, we don’t. Instead, we learn to live with invisible pain, and we learn that it’s okay because it lets us take life a little slower. We are forced to sit down sometimes and enjoy the ride. We are asked, by our sick bodies, to learn to love ourselves for all of our inner, microscopic self-communication problems and live the best life we can.

We cannot let invisible pain stop us so much that we stop moving forward. Crohn’s is only the beginning of my adventure.